The brain hangs upside down after being hit by TNT!

They’re dynamite and powerloaded… and cause my neighbours to be pissed at me! Love it esp for running! Haha…..

TNT – AC/DC

The Ramones – My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down

Lyudi Invalidi

This song is fantastic!!! Simply can’t get it off my head! Despite all the controversial rubbish we hear about t.A.T.u, one thing’s for sure.. the music rocks!!!

Adios – Rammstein

Er legt die Nadel auf die Ader
und bittet die Musik herein
zwischen Hals und Unterarm
die Melodie fährt leise ins Gebein

Los! Los! Los!
Bop bop shu bop

Er hat die Augen zugemacht
in seinem Blut tobt eine Schlacht
ein Heer marschiert durch seinen Darm
die Eingeweide werden langsam warm

Los! Los! Los!
Bop bop shu bop

Nichts ist für dich
nichts war für dich
nichts bleibt für dich
für immer

Er nimmt die Nadel von der Ader
die Melodie fährt aus der Haut
Geigen brennen mit Gekreisch
Harfen schneiden sich ins Fleisch
er hat die Augen aufgemacht
doch er ist nicht aufgewacht

Nichts ist für dich
nichts war für dich
nichts bleibt für dich
für immer

English Translation is here

Moving On

It’s been really hard but here’s some stuff I really have been thinking about since the past few days and I better pen it down before my heart sways again…..

Stuff I need to give up on:

- Hope for Chewy

- Dreams of research

- Finding “True Love”

Stuff I need to get doing in the next few weeks:

- Have support for my buddy Vinodh

- Talk to Guang as much as I can before he flies off

- Get my UROP report done

- Finish my Lance Armstrong book

- Get my foot on the road and increase the mileage to hit near if not Marathon distance by the end of the year. Maybe the Marathon. I shall run for those who never gave up on me and were there for me…. my true friends.

More to read:

I’ve decided on giving up on someone who has chosen someone else and if she can be happy by taking such a big step to end all that we once had then there is no point holding on or even expecting anything from the person. My heart is starting to change too and I think this is a positive step. Even if she wants back in future I don’t want her back. My love for her is simply not working for me since she didn’t even want to reciprocate and she might repeat the same thing.  Maybe what you lack is the Moral Courage to say no to temptations like I did many-many times and held on just for you. Thus, I really deserve someone better. Someone faithful and trustworthy with the love and freedom I give her.

I want to start a family by 26~27. Why so fast? Cuz I’m tired of seeing dad work 35 years of his life and hold on year after year after year just so that I can take over the breadwinner’s position. I think he’s tired. He started off late in life and this is something I really don’t want to happen to me. In view of this, I want to go back to my roots and traditions and culture that I have so long ignored and settle for an Arranged Marriage. DO NOT be mistaken to think of it as see the person and marry. It’s a kind of matchmaking and knowing the person a few months before marriage finally settles in. Why such a decision? Cuz it will help me keep my tradition intact and if it keeps my family intact then my number one priority in life is fulfilled. For speculators, my cousin is going soon on her second year in marital bliss and as ever happy and cheery without a single complaint. Furthermore, arrange marriages, in a place where I come from is a conformity that we must abide to and this is not debatable. My parents gave me the free play to open up and see the world and now it’s time they decide what is best for me. I leave it at that.

Research. This I thought would be my dream and I would realise it sooner or later cuz I had my family in order. But since everything has changed now, my priority is to find a stable job after studies and maybe study till Masters after I work for a couple of years. That means I’m not going into Tissue Engineering cuz it is so specific that I would need a PhD to be competent and proficient. I would rather go into Biomaterials and have a better option of Medical Devices and such so that I can have a better chance of a job and a more secure job to settle down when the time comes… in 2~3 years time.

My short and long term goals have changed because of this failed relationshipbut my primary focus has not. My family is still number one. Family includes my future spouse whom I want to give myself wholly to in heart and thus I do not want to love again. I can’t give pieces of myself to my spouse. It’s not going to be fair to her.. it is not going to be fair to my family.

Life

Neither life nor death wanna take me in… I’m hanging in the middle…. I am broken. The same way life breaks when it collides with death..

I have decided to stop running…. till I find a reason to start doing that again. Reason is lost… so is hope.

Hey Babyy

The whole movie was crap except parts of the second half…. this scene was extremely painful to see…. why is it that when I try it keeps coming back to me…

 The story goes that he’s a playboy who got the girl just for fun… she on the other hand… fell madly in love with him…

Him: Your’re Getting late for your flight

Her: This is the moment where I should tell you I’ll miss you. etc etc… but in 3 days you’ll be joining me in Sydney anyway.

Him: Yeah. I’ll miss you too.

Her: You won’t break my heart right? I’m asking a really stupid question. Someone who respects relationships and this own people can never break a heart. Right?

Him: Isha… suppose. Just suppose. Don’t take me seriously. If I break your heart, what will happen?

Her: I will break. Just the same way, life breaks when it collides with death…. I love you.

Do Pal – A few moments

Heard this song a couple of years ago from the movie Veer Zaara when the show and intantly fell in love with the music. Didn’t know the lyrics are would haunt me one day…. Somehow it hits you hardest when you are most vulnerable. 

The caravan of dreams paused a few moments,

And then where did you walk off, and where did I? 

This story of hearts lasted only a few moments,

And then where did you go, and where did I? 

This story of hearts lasted only a few moments,

And then where did you go, and where did I? 

Was that really you, or was it a ray of light?

Was that really you, or was it a smiling flower bud? 

Was that you, or was it the rain of dreams?

Was that you, or did a cloud of joy pass overhead? 

Was that you, or did a flower bloom?

Was that you, or did I find a whole new world? 

The caravan of dreams paused a few moments,

And then where did you walk off, and where did I? 

This story of hearts lasted only a few moments,

And then where did you go, and where did I? 

Was that you, or was it a scent on the breeze?

Was that you, or was there color bursting in all directions? 

Was that you, or was it some light on the road?

Was that you, or was it a song echoing in the air? 

Did I find you, or did I find my destination?

Was that you, or was it simply a moment touched by magic? 

The caravan of dreams paused a few moments,

And then where did you walk off, and where did I? 

This story of hearts lasted only a few moments,

And then where did you go, and where did I?

Looking Up – thanks to friends

Just got back home after spending the evening with Janna and Guang at Mount Faber.

Also thanks for the Strawberry cheesecake although it reminded me of Chewy but I think it’s an intimate influence that she has passed on to me… as trivial and silly as it might sound… I’ve fallen in love with cheese and I can’t do work without a pink pencil.

Also I just wanna thank all my friends who’ve been there for me in every way through the thick with me especially when I get spells of shitty feelings and downsides. You people are really my best friends. Something I’m so glad I have. You people are friends in need. What more can I ask for? =)

Especially Vinodh. Really thanks a lot man. I find it easy to confide and share my feelings with you about the whole thing right from the start till today. I hope I’m not drying you up by holding you up after school so often man. And you’re so nice that you listen to me endlessly when I need to open up. It’s just that I can talk openly with you rather than anyone else since you know what’s going on from start to end. Thanks especially for being there for me when I was on the verge of giving up. You pulled me back to life.

Linkin’ Park

As I was telling Vinodh, this damn group is bloody good if u need to scream your heart out cuz they do it so well for you. All you have to do is to lip sing and head bang and you instantly feel as though you’re the one screaming your lungs out.

Can they pls come here again so that I can sing this song with them… it’s what I really wanna scream out! I wanna know WHY!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday mummy. I love you!

Thanks for being there for me through thick and thin. Esp now when I really need you now.

Muacks!

Mera Jahan – My World

Heard this amazing song from “Taare Zameen Par” (Stars On Earth) and found it very appropriate again after talking to Vinodh one of my umpteen times.

I’ve been bottling up the pain I feel and this song really really shows the pain I feel. Translated lyrics are below.

A Little Sweet, A Little Sour
A Little Close Not Too Far
All I Need, All I Need
All I Need Is To Be Free
(Repeat)

Let me be close,As close as a touchYet move on, As far as I can.A Little Sweet, A Little Sour…

Let me be close, as close as a touch.

Yet move on, As far as I can.Be warmed by the sweater of my dreams,In my world is above the whitest clouds.My World
Let Me In Without A Shout
Le Me In I Have A Doubt
Let Me In Without A Shout
Let Me In I Have A Doubt
There Are More, Many More

Many Many Many More Like Me

I am not alone.

I dream with open eyes

That I fall and rise again and again I am not alone.I dream with open eyes

That I fall and rise again and again
Yet I have no doubt or troubles

That the setting Sun will rise one day
Such that everyone is surprised,

At the miracle of a world I have.
Open Eyed How I Run
How I Run To The Other Side
Open Eyed How I Run
How I Run To The Other Side
Then I Glide Like A BirdI Just Want To Be Free

I have a hundred wings to fly,

That kisses the open skies.
I have many twists and turnsThat’s My World

Childhood is short,

These days never return,Live it to the fullest,Loan a life just to live it free.

How Appropriate

Give Me Some Love – James Blunt

Me and my guitar play my way. It makes them frown.
But little pieces by the highway bring me down.
Mine is not a heart of stone, I am only skin and bone,
And those little pieces are little pieces of my own.

Why don’t you give me some love?
I’ve taken ship-load of drugs.
I’m so tired of never fixing the pain.
Valium said to me,
I’ll take you seriously,
And we’ll come back as someone else,
Who’s better than yourself.

Many faces at the doorway all hang round.
Watch me fighting in the hallway but make no sound.
So I’m standing all alone, and I’m only skin and bone.
So many faces but they all look out for their own.

Why don’t you give me some love?
I’ve taken ship-load of drugs.
I’m so tired of never fixing the pain.
Valium said to me,
I’ll take you seriously,
And we’ll come back as someone else,
Who’s better than yourself.

And some day soon they’ll drop the bomb and let it all out. Someday.
I know that someday soon we’ll all be gone so let it all out.
Let it all out today.
And give me some love,
Yeah, give me some love,
Come on, give me some love today.

So appropriate… to the very last word. Sheesh… I wish I were not back home. I wanna run away and hide.